On March 21, 2003, President George W. Bush declared the beginning of a conflict with the nation of Iraq. Eight months, $160 Billion, and 456 American casualties later, we have finally succeeded in capturing Saddam Hussein. This is clearly a great day for both the United States of America and the people of free Iraq, but I humbly propose that we have not received nearly that for which we have paid.
Let me try to put this in perspective for some of my Right Wing friends who have exhibited trouble following coherent and logical thought patterns. Let's say I walk into a bar with the intention of having eight drinks. As I am standing at the bar, eight different girls approach me and each offers to buy me a drink (pretty logical so far). For those conservatives who are uncomfortable with the higher mathematics required here, that means that I can have all eight drinks at no cost to myself. This seems like a no-brainer: take the eight free drinks, right? Nah, instead I'll refuse all eight free drinks and buy just one myself. Also, rather than just pay the price, I think I'll hand over all the money in my bank account, all the money in my father's bank account, the lives of a few of my friends, and my own left arm. Then I will declare victory, which will allow me to move on and debilitate myself in some other manner.
For those of you who haven't quite perfected the art of deep analytical thinking, I'll explain my analogy. The Bush administration went into the current conflict with eight goals that defined total success. These goals had bipartisan support because they ensured that the job in Iraq would be finished completely and properly. These goals also had such international support that the United Nations was willing to assist the Bush Administration in the occupation. This international aid would save American dollars and, much more importantly, American lives. In other words, we would attain the eight goals at a relatively small price. George W. Bush, in his exceedingly finite wisdom, decided instead to blow off the international community by refusing to accept its assistance. This decision resulted in American taxpayers carrying the staggering cost of the war on their own backs. This is to say nothing of the infinitely more substantial cost of American casualties that families have been carrying for eight months at an average of almost two per day.
The most appalling aspect of this situation is that despite spending all this money and time and sacrificing hundreds of American lives, the administration has only accomplished one of its goals. It is rather like emptying two bank accounts and sacrificing the lives of your friends to pay for a single beer. Despite paying so much and getting so little, the administration will use this single minor accomplishment to persuade the public that the situation in Iraq is going well. Karl Rove et al. will then proceed to manipulate this minor accomplishment to attain an even more dangerous goal, getting W. back into the Oval Office for another term. I will bet the life of Dan Nelson that, upon the official commencement of W's presidential campaign, the American public will be inundated with visions of American forces capturing Saddam, as if it were the definitive goal of this conflict.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I urge you to look at all the facts in this case before you decide that this administration is as great as it thinks. Look hard at the seven of eight goals that have not been accomplished. Look at the lack of a plausible exit strategy in Iraq. Look at the continuance of American casualties abroad. Look at the disdain that the international community has for the United States. Look at the enormous national debt that gets larger and larger by the day. Look very carefully at the fact that the world's most dangerous terrorist, Osama bin Laden, is still at large. There is really only one way to deal with this terrible situation that we find ourselves in: remove the incompetent executives who insist on leading this great country down a path of destruction, and replace them with a president who has his or her (Hilary 2004) priorities straight. We need a competent president who will save us from this "long hard slog."
In light of this new information, I urge you to tell Dan Nelson that you will be voting for a Democrat in November. You can also tell him that we're all anxiously awaiting his debut article and that it's natural to be afraid when arguing in the face of logic, but he'll be entering a long line of conservative editorialists who have had no problem perverting the truth to propound their hate mongering. I, personally, expect nothing less from Dan.