If there is one thing in this world (and believe me, there are many more) that causes me to lose sleep at night and break out into cold sweats, it's the fact that there is a real world out there. Yes, I may only be a junior. And yes, I may still have at least two years of schooling ahead of me, but that does not stop me from worrying about what lies beyond the corner of Linden and Jefferson. What if I can't find a job? What if I hate my job? What if I cannot get low-fat triple lattes at the Starbucks located next to my office? As you can see, these are very heavy issues. However, I am willing to blame only a marginal amount of the worrying on my own inherent paranoia. I firmly believe that it is not the students at this fine University that are to blame. I place the onus on the outstanding University we attend.
I mean, out in the real world, you don't have the protection of an outdated combination lock on your mailbox. Out in the real world, there is no apartment building that mandates the entire population of residents is either male or female. I will then lose the luxury of residing in an all-male environment. And quite frankly, I don't have the social skills to interact with the womenfolk. I blame you, University of High Moral Standards. I blame you. Where else will I be afforded the opportunity to fight by tooth and nail for a parking spot? Ok, so maybe that is one way we are being prepared to step out beyond the guarded sanctuary of St. Thomas Hall. But I put the charge to you, fellow students. Do not use your mailbox in Gunster. Do not live in those socially stifling freshman dorms. Don't ask me the viable alternative to these somewhat impractical solutions; I'm still trying to find them myself.
Now, for the random thoughts of the week:
- Is it me, or is Matt Damon and Tom Brady the same person?
- Despite all the super-cool commercials, Mrs. Butterworth's maple syrup should spend those advertising dollars on the development of better syrup. Because I am sure there are many disappointed people out there. Present company included.
- Things I Inadvertently Learnt in High School #372: The highest factorial that my standard issue TI-83 calculator could process was 69.
- Things I Inadvertently Learnt in High School #373: No matter how bald your principal is, he does not resemble Mr. Belding in any other way but the lack of hair.
- Forget about the light bulb, electricity, and even the Chia Pet. The best (and most under-appreciated) invention ever is the back-scratcher. Come on! How can you argue that it's not? I would have liked to meet the person who came up with the idea. Was he sitting around one day, his back started to itch, so he thought "Hey! I should construct a long stick with a fork-type thing on the end so I can scratch my back whenever it itches?" Really. That guy rules.
- No matter what, almost any song sounds better acoustic. I don't know why, but it's true.
- Grease might just be the pinnacle of John Travolta's career. I mean, where do you go from that? How do you top it? Is there any role that can come close to topping Danny? Do you even understand how much talent it must've taken him to actually convince the movie-going public that he had changed from a dirty Greaser to a Preppy jock? Not to mention the singing and dancing that was also included in that role. Pulp Fiction must have been a cakewalk in comparison.
- Good Advice: do not watch Oliver Stone's movie JFK at 2:30 in the morning. You'll just end up having a dream where you need to stop an assassination attempt on the president (who happens to resemble your father) in a city that looks strikingly similar to the San Francisco level of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4.
- Any band with the word "The" in front of their name is almost automatically cool. (Examples: The Cure, The Clash, The Ramones, The Doors, The Strokes, The Police, and The Specials. Possible exceptions include The The and The Alan Parson's Project.)
- The New York radio station 106.7 LITE FM only owns the rights to exactly 118 songs. After a summer of listening to that station for eight plus hours a day, I realized that I knew all the words to all the songs they played. Moreover, the scarier realization is that I knew 95% of the songs before I started working there.
- The only thing worse than living in West Virginia is having your parents take you to West Virginia on vacation.
Well, that is enough out of me for one week. Rock on, dear readers. Rock on.