It's easy to say yes when asked to be a part of something. Especially when you're interested in the 'something' in question. All the more so when you're a glutton for punishing all-nighters like me. However, it seems that I am not alone in my quest for zero free time. Apparently, quite a few others began this semester with an empty plate and proceeded to heap on the extra servings as almost everyone I talk to these days looks like they're about 36 hours late to bed. But what if you didn't need to go to sleep?
It's an interesting concept—or interesting to me at least, which is what really matters most to me, right? I think so. Anyway, geneticists recently discovered an important gene in their search for the 'obesity' gene. The gene that they mapped is the one that controls a human's need for sleep. Turning the gene off will allow the person not to need sleep—that's right, you would never become tired or sleepy.
Moreover, this ever-ready state isn't the jittery, wild-eyed, caffeine-induced 'awake' that can be cheaply achieved with a steady stream of triple expressos or heart-skipping NoDoz. Nor would it be the restless, anxious state that results from a losing battle with insomnia. Blocking this special gene would keep you wide-awake, well rested, and alert for the rest of your mortal existence!
When I first heard about this, my first thought was sign me up! That was also my second, third, and fourth thoughts too. I thought of the unbelievable amount of relief that an extra eight hours a day would make—or at least the five or six hours of sleep that I've been getting by with these days. In addition to the extra hours gained from no sleep, I would also be more awake during the day and more efficient with my time as a result. In short, I would experience a phenomenon known to only the rarest of the rare college students: I would be ahead of schedule.
I would be able to go back to that paper for a second revision. I could tweak that bit of code that gets a little buggy every now and then. I could write the novel that I've always wanted to write. I would never oversleep for my morning classes again; I would be able to shower, shave, have some breakfast and make it through class without nodding off one or ten times. The magical no-sleep gene would make me an übermensch, capable of things no sleep-dependent mortal could ever achieve.
Unfortunately, the magical gene has some negative side effects; namely, eventual organ failure, insanity, and death. Turns out that the human body wears out quickly without regular sleep—specifically R.E.M. sleep—and death is a side affect that I try to avoid whenever possible. So I guess I'll be that busy guy with bloodshot eyes, taking on extra work that I don't need for at least a few more years until gene therapy is perfected. I could go on longer about my busy schedule but you don't need to know about it because you're busy too. Besides, I'm tired and running low on caffeinated beverages. I think I need to go to sleep.